Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
