You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
