your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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