While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
