i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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