So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
