i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
