I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
