So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
