Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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