I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
