she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
