he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This is the high leading the old right now
Sorry my hands just texted you
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
