if you like me you must not know who I am
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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