I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
home. puking in laundry basket.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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