Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
