Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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