I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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