my phone cant type all the emotion im having
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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