Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
