Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
