remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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