I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
