Just fell off a train. Bad.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
