she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
