I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
