and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
