U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
