So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
