She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
