Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
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