oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
