i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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