my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
