I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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