Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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