Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
