i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
