A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
