Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
