she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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