Apparently you make a good broom.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
