Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
