: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
