unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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