it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
