1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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