I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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