Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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