I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
